Blog : Wordpress

HOW TO BE THE BEST BLOGGER.

Blogging advice.

Lately it seems as if everyone is asking everyone advice on how to be a successful blogger. This week I have read 5 articles alone. Is it just me or is there more advice being flung around than actual content? So in true Greenlydia style, I have some advice to dish out of my own.

Enjoy.

How do I start a blog?

This is a tough one. But I have 3 easy steps for you to follow to create a shiny new blog of your own.

  • Buy a laptop – Blogging from your phone is so 2012. If you want to be a real blogger you need to be able to blog from prime locations such as niche coffee shops and airport lounges. You need a portable device for this. If you want people to take your content seriously, a Macbook is the prime device for this.

 

Pro tip: Always Instagram a picture of your laptop and say, coffee next to it. Or a beer. An air shot means you are a force to be reckoned with.

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Never blog from home. The wifi might be good but this will do your image no good.

 

  • Open WordPress and sign up, save yourself some effort. OR start with Blogger. Grow, become too big for it and then tell the whole world how much it sucks to move over to WordPress. Either way will get people to engage with you. So it’s your call really.

 

  • Pick a cool catchy name. Something people can relate too. Like “My Spot” or “slim kak”. Your name and a colour also works. #Justsaying

 

What should I write about?

I have read answers like “Write about your passion” or “write about what you want to share”. Lets be honest, this is majorly unoriginal. I have a much better idea for you. (This one is free for the taking)

You will need the following:

Old newspapers

500ml water

Flower (Self raising)

Baking soda

Vinegar (White spirit will do the job)

Red food colouring.

Heres what you do:

Mush up the paper in the water. Cut it up real fine and keep adding water and flower until it becomes dough like. Once it has reached the consistency of day old oats its perfect.

Start moulding a cylindrical shape that bells out at the bottom. Go all “Ghost” and pretend you are in a pottery class.  Make sure the inside is hollow.  Let this dry for a few hours.

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Now add the baking soda.

Get ready with your phone to snap the action – add the vinegar.

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While this is erupting jot down how it’s making you feel.

First blog post accomplished.

How do I make money with my blog?

Easy. Set it up on your Macbook (assuming you are now a snazzy writer) Put the following add on Gumtree (or the likes)”BLOG FOR SALE on a Macbook pro”

I guarantee if you sell this as a package deal your blog will turn a nice profit.

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Let’s face it guys. Blogging IS for everyone. That’s why everyone does it. Thats why its free. Bloggers as a community must learn to make peace with this. There will always be folks whom blog for free things, party invites and status. And some say “If you blog for the wrong reasons your blog wont last” Even I thought this to be true. But it’s not. If you blog for free lip-gloss incessantly, you will eventually get free lip-gloss. Blogs are less about content and more about connections. This partly sadness me but then again, The blogs I read (and have been reading for years) haven’t changed. The blogging for free things leads to one thing – actually getting free things. But I promise you. Once you get that first press drop, you will be annoyed to see the “Free things” bloggers who got it too. Just as you annoyed others. It’s one big annoying circle. So sit back, know that more people are doing it for “things” than you realise and stop caring.

Just write.

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Valentine’s day, because we are ALL still in High School.

Valentine’s day, because we are ALL still in High School.

Yes, I am fully aware that it is not “V-Day” for a week, but that’s kind of my point. Valentines day is celebrated worldwide regardless of religion, regardless of age even.  Next week mums of 8 year old boys will be sending a teddy to school for the cute girl in his class. And she will think it’s awesome and become a bitch. (Just kidding)

Religion has several categories where people slot into. Those who don’t, those who do, those who do on bad days, those who do when they win an Academy Award, those that believe in parts, those who believe in stars this list goes on.

But Valentines has but two categories. Those who do and those who don’t.

You  are either the girl who waits for a nursery worth of roses and so many chocolates you left Willy Wonka homeless or the girl who pours her man a whiskey and spends the evening watching Suns of Guns on Discovery Channel.  5 Guesses which I am.

Maybe I am cynical because I have been with my dude so long that he doesn’t need to impress me with gifts.  Maybe I am holding a grudge because one year he came home and gave me a present. A photo frame. When I unwrapped it the card was INSIDE and it was TO him from his company. (Yes he tried to pawn it off as his own, no I’m not kidding) Aren’t we supposed to show and declare our love for our partners every day?  Here’s some advice guys. Flowers on a random Tuesday mean way more than last minute roses on Valentine’s day.

But let’s be honest, I have a vagina. I was programmed to secretly expect something fun or maybe a dinner date. Like in High School when one dude in the class bought every girl in the class a flower.  You pretended not to care but went home and put it in a little vase on your desk.  But let’s be real, I am engaged to Oscar so second hand photo frames are my future.

But for all you unlucky non Oscar dating people I have made a list of the best Valentines day gifts ever. Consider it a buying guide if you will. These gifts apply even if you do not celebrate the day. Buy these for yourself. You deserve a spoil.

  • An onion.

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For the celebrators – Who wouldn’t want to see a chicks face when unwrapping an onion.

For the non celebrators – Here, have a good cry.

 

  • Chocolates

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For the celebrators – When she opens the box, take it and ask her if she isn’t going to offer you a drink.

For the non celebrators – Eat those feelings.

 

  • A Pot plant

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For the celebrators – Explain to the girl it’s your “love plant” and keeps growing (Yes, Os pulled this once)

For the non celebrators – Talk to it. It grows faster.

 

  • Perfume

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For the celebrators – Girls dig it, it’s a safe bet.

For the non celebrator – Snort it, I heard its fun.

 

  • Loaf of bread

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For the celebrators – When she is all disgusted with you tell her she is the one you chose to make your sandwiches for the rest of your lives. (now point at the kitchen)

For the non celebrators – Go make yourself  some dinner.

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Be sure to try one of these this year 😉

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