My deal with strippers.

My deal with strippers.

With a wedding comes a bachelor party. This in my experience is 80% held and anticipated by the grooms’ mates rather than the groom himself.

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This morning I tweeted the following:

“Women who get angry about a dude’s bachelors/strippers, pipe down and have a diet coke. He is still marrying you. All men look at boobs.”

This sparked a few responses and after reading my tweet again it does sound like it carries a little more annoyance than it actually did. Or rather, as I meant it to be. So I thought I would explain myself quickly.

I do not think it is right for men to pay to see women naked.  It just does not bother me to the extent that I would make my boyfriend/fiancé/husband sleep outside.

I would rather have my man be honest with me and tell me where is going and what he will be doing than to have it be hidden from me. (I can name 10 men that have done this to their wives whom they love dearly and would never be unfaithful to, simply to avoid an argument)

My tweet was worded wrong in the sense that it sounds as if I am telling other women what to feel or think about this topic. It was not meant that way. Maybe its insecurity, I wouldn’t blame you. I am VERY insecure but just over other things. Or maybe I should say other kinds of women.

I am not afraid that my man will leave me for a smoking hot stripper. Men do not like sharing. I am scared that he will leave me for an educated, strong, intelligent woman that he is surrounded by on a daily basis in his corporate world.

Some feel the naked image of that dancer comes home with your man that evening, I am sure it does but that is to be expected. A beautiful naked woman dancing will stay in my mind too. What would concern me more is that woman he walked passed that smiled at him, and he smiled back what if she (fully clothed) is on his mind the rest of the day?

If you are against the idea of strippers because you feel it to be wrong or degrading or if you feel that men go to strip clubs to feel powerful. Then you are 100% completely entitled  to feel that way and discuss it with you man beforehand. I have seen right in front of me how couples explode on this topic because the women simple say “NO”.

I am not disputing your right to say no, but maybe explain to your guy why you would rather not have him go. Explain the effect that it will have on you and your relationship and I can promise you your man will take to heart what you said.

I know of happy, healthy relationships where strippers were allowed and also happy healthy ones where they were not. It really is up to the couple. How YOU and your PARTNER feel about the subject.

*Tiny disclaimer – I am referring to visiting a strip club/hire strippers for a bachelor party. I am not discussing the old creepy dude that wears a wedding ring that eats all sorts of dinners at a strip club every night of the year.  There is a difference between a man going out for one night with his mates be it his or someone else’s stag do and a man that goes to these places alone.

I’d love to know how you feel on this topic, drop a comment below.

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12 Comments

  • levigirl13 January 15, 2015 at 11:03 am

    Brilliant!! Ek like jou standpunt! Ek dink dit is childish van vrouens om hand uit te ruk met die bevele van “jy gan nie… en ek wieier en bewaar jou as…..” Dit maak gewoonlik net meer ongelukkigheid want se nou vir ‘n man om nie iets te doen nie en dan doen hy dit juis, gewoonlik! Nway is die groom is gewoonlik (nooit) in beheer van enige planne nie! Eks nou nie groot op die twitter ding nie, maar ek kan my net die bohaai imagine! Sommige mense kan sekere dinge so uit verband uit ruk! Lol! Net ‘n random oplossing. Ek kan nie onthou of ek dit in ‘n movie gesien het of raak gelees het nie, maar die bruid het al die ouens wat by die bachelor party was se meisies/vrouens gekry op stripper outfits aan te trek (en maskers so niemand het geweet wie hulle is nie) toe reel sy met die best man dat sy en haar girls ‘n meer PG version striptease vir die ouens (hul eie partners) doen. Die groom het natuurlik n private striptease in die kamer, van sy soon to be bride gekry. Geen man het geweet wie die girls was nie. By die troue het die bruid en haar vriendinne al die manne bymekaar geroep en hulle vertel. Die mans was super impressed! Mar ja, dis my 2c 🙂 Lekker dagi xx Date: Thu, 15 Jan 2015 10:43:52 +0000 To: san-mari87@hotmail.com

    • greenlydia January 15, 2015 at 11:19 am

      Dit is n moerse cool idee. Love it.

  • Jessie January 15, 2015 at 11:15 am

    I am not into the whole stripper thing and my bf knows it. We have spoken about getting married and when we spoke about the stag party I simply said NO strippers and explained why. I used to have one or two friends who were strippers, this was when I was involved in drugs and what I know from strippers is they hate their jobs, they druggies to manage doing their jobs and most were abused in some way as a child sexually and it’s one of the reasons they go into that line of work so I don’t want to support the industry. I’m not really threatened by Brad leaving me for a stripper but would say I would be hurt by him wanting to go look at other woman naked just the way I would be upset if he watched porn. I don’t want to look at other men so why would he need to. But I am a bit of a prude when it comes to these kinds of things. I really wouldn’t walk down the aisle if I found out there were strippers at his stag party.

    But I don’t think your tweet was offensive and see your point of view clearly. Each to their own.

    • greenlydia January 15, 2015 at 11:19 am

      Respected. Thank you for your comment 🙂 I am sure because you discussed it with him openly he will respect your wishes 🙂

  • Elzanne C. van Zyl January 15, 2015 at 11:20 am

    I agree but also disagree. Sure, those gals are waaaay much hotter than me and he sees boobies on the telly anyway, and looking isn’t touching, and as long as he’s honest. Yes. BUT, the problem comes in with the lap dances and the fact that strippers don’t just show boobs. The things they sometimes to to get a horny reaction out of your man is actually a scary thought. Google up some more on the subject.

    • greenlydia January 15, 2015 at 11:23 am

      Totally agree. There is a lot more to read on the subject. This is just my uneducated opinion on how I feel about a stag do with a group of men.

  • carmencompletely January 15, 2015 at 2:25 pm

    I completely concur. For me the lady/ladies in a strip club are really harmless especially if he goes once or twice depending how many of his friends are getting married. It’s those boardroom types, that have there shit together that bothers me most. Also each to his own. A once a year or two years does not bother me at all. I would say “come back with some tips……”lol

  • @mishaconradie January 16, 2015 at 7:36 am

    I’ve read some of the comments above and there are obviously lots of different opinions on the topic.

    So here’s the thing, for me, from my point of view:

    I’d feel concerned if my husband-to-be wanted to spend one of his last nights of unmarried life with some bimbo’s boobs and vagina in his face (I’ve seen pictures of friends from both bachelors and bachelorettes at strip clubs and this is precisely what happens. VAGINA IN HIS FACE.)

    Other people may feel differently, but for me I’d feel as if trust had been broken. Strip clubs are vile places that breed all kinds of nasty thoughts (and actions).

    If your partner is truly happy with you and his promise to commit to you, why would he want to go to such a place? I think it’s UTTERLY DISRESPECTFUL to your wife-to-be (or husband-to-be, because women go too) to oggle at other people’s naked bodies. So for me, it’s all about respect. And strip clubs are in breach of that respect.

    • greenlydia January 16, 2015 at 7:37 am

      Totally respectable point of view.

  • vannessamei January 16, 2015 at 11:26 am

    I’ve been to stripclubs with my husband and really feel nobody should have too much to say about what goes on in one when they haven’t been before. A decent stripclub is strictly no touching and you generally pay a fortune for a private lapdance and they don’t usually remove their panties. Some do of course and there are sleazier ones too and some private bachelor parties do sometimes go a little overboard I daresay. I totally agree with you that it should be discussed and agreed upon between husband and wife (to be). My husband has been to stripclubs many times with friends and I don’t have a problem with it. He generally comes home and just wants sex at some ungodly hour but at least it is with me and nobody else, lol.

    The biggest threat I ever felt to my marriage was from someone he met in normal everyday life. We will have been married 22 years next month.

    Haha that first idea about dressing up as strippers at your partner’s bachelors could really go horribly wrong though. Imagine someone did that and her husband did not want her but someone else at the party because she is a bit overweight or else he tries to go a bit far. Haha, way too much room for disaster!

    Great post!

    • greenlydia January 16, 2015 at 11:31 am

      Thank you for your comment. I am glad someone shares my views. 🙂

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