Chapter 14.

Read Chapter 13 here with Cupcake.

I got a reply on my mail to Winter.  But I can barely focus on anything today. Today marks the anniversary of that day. The day that everything changed.  Fuck , I hate this day.

I sit at my desk at work and people interact with me but I am numb. Everything is one giant grey blur. It feels like I am sinking. Why doesn’t this get better with time? My family lights a candle in remembrance for my brother every year on this day. That’s their way of dealing.  I still don’t understand how one tiny little light could ever compare to the light he was. In so many people’s lives.

The Mateo’s had fresh ciabatta delivered to my office this morning. Just as they have done every year since.  Noah delivered it. Wrapped in blue and white striped linen. This year was different though. It had a note. A note that broke my heart into a thousand little pieces and scattered it in the rain outside.


Eat child.

All our love.



“All our love” I don’t deserve love from anyone. How could I ever accept it from them? I killed what their love created and yet they show such kindness. I should have been me.


I pour my 5th glass of wine and weave my fingers around the glass. Sometimes wine is so good it needs to be hugged. I break a piece of the ciabatta off and dip it in fresh balsamic vinegar I bought from the farmers market. As I stuff my tipsy face with carbs I remember last years delivery from Noah. He had two stops to make that day and when I enquired about the other delivery her said it was for the Mateo’s daughter.  It must have been a joke or mistake because they never had other children.  I wonder who she was.

I open my email but my head is fuzzy with wine and my eyes are hazy with tears. Stupid tears. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I hit reply to Winter.


I read her mail again first. Shit. She is deaf? Holy balls.

Email: To Winter

From: Iris

RE RE: So whatcha doing?

Hi Winter,


Work looks good. Please continue on the same trend.

You are a wonderful illustrator. The easiest I have ever worked with at least.  Only 5 years you say? Michael made it sound like more. 

My condolences for spot. I have dog that hates me. He pisses on my bed every chance he gets. I have taken him to the vet and he is totally healthy. The vet told me to talk to him, let him get to know me. Nope that didn’t work. Dog still hates me. He is probably pissing on my duvet as I am typing this.

So sorry to hear about your hearing. That sounds wrong. But you know what I mean. God I hope you do.

Well I am pretty uninteresting. I have been a writer for most my life. An unsuccessful one for most my life too. I have no man in my life.  I am not sure I want one. I hate oatmeal and the smell of fresh fish. I eat most things and share your sentiments on fresh bread and pasta. According to me, warm fresh bread can save a life.


Hits send.


It saved mine today.







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