Chapter 26.

Read Chapter 25 here with Cupcakemummy 

It has become apparent that Winter is more than just my illustrator.  It seems funny to thing you can connect with someone whom you have never met. But it happened. The thought of not being able to talk, or mail rather, to her everyday scares me. When did this happen? When did we become friends? I have never been one who has many friends. Not girls either. Woman in general are far too prissy for me. Not that guys don’t have their shit but I prefer a rude to a bitch any day.

The date with mark ended up not being a date. We ordered pizza and watched a few quiz shows  on television. While guzzling obscene amounts of red wine of course. This in turn lead to my light blue lace thong hanging from the ceiling fan. That man just makes me want to take my clothes off. It didn’t go very far though. As it turns out red wine makes me too tired to have sex. Where is the fun in that? I fell asleep on the couch after a few minutes of making out. He must have felt sorry for me or something because when I woke up this morning I was covered by a blanket and upon closer inspection I noticed he had taken the leftovers to the kitchen and wiped the counters. Or does he think I’m a slob? He even fed the dog.

I am working from home today as the offices are being painted. I grab my laptop and touch base with Winter. I haven’t told her the news yet.

Email To: Winter

From: Iris

Subject: BIG NEWS.

Winter, my stormy darling.

Book 1 is going to print next month and the proof copy is being couriered to you as I am typing this. Please indicate necessary changes and then the final one will be done again for us both to approve once more. I have meetings next week with bookstores who are pre-ordering the book. (Still can’t believe I wrote a fucking children’s book, who am I.)

I have missed talking to you. Mark is wonderful. But it all seems a little unreal. We spent a few hours making out on the couch and I did my signature move where I fling my panties across the room. I shall now refer to this mating call as “Iris’s peacocking” Get it…peaCOCK. I apologize for my stale and bad humour, I should be in medication for it.


He let it slip that he was with you the whole time in hospital. That man adores you. And here I thought he was getting it on with our receptionist this whole time. Turns out you are his distraction and his focus all in one. I asked him if I would be able to come and visit you and he told me I better give you some time to get used to this whole 2 casts thing. I respect that.  Michael feels very responsible for the accident. Even caught the man crying in the kitchen area at work.  My heart broke when I saw it and gave him the most awkward hug in history. I had totally forgotten to wear a bra that day. Here’s to wishing he couldn’t tell. Also it wasn’t too bright to wear a white blouse that day. But hey, if you are gonna go awkward, do it right.

Also he kept leaving early from work this week to go look after a garden somewhere.

He is a good man.  Take care of him and more importantly, let him take care of you.



I do a few more mails before I close my laptop.  I am ahead of the curve with work. This means lunch. I grab my scarf and head out. Its chilly today and the clouds are hanging low. The world is dark grey and I like it. As I am approaching Papa Mateo’s I see some construction outside. What on earth…a ramp? Why the hell would they install a ramp? Noah sees me coming and does that thing where he whistles and looks around as if he has no idea I am there.  I smack him on the back and greet him with a hug.

Me: And this?

Noah: Wheelchair friendly and all that?

Me: I can see that, but why now after 20 years?

Noah: How insensitive Iris. People in wheelchairs need good bread too.

Me: Ok ok, geez calm down.

I ruffle his hair before heading in. Mama sees me and almost jumps over the counter to hug me. She honestly gives the best hugs.  I plonk down in my usual booth and it isn’t long before she brings over my avo ciabatta. But this time she sits down in the booth. She slides in on the opposite side and faces me. She takes me hand and I am now worried and puzzled.

Me: What’s wrong?

Mama: Nothing is wrong my dear.

Me: To what do I owe this lunch date?

Mama:  Iris…

Me: …yes?

Mama:  You are a such a great girl. Why do I never see a man with you?

Me: Oh Mama really?

Mama: A girl even a strong one like you needs a man in her life. We all have needs you know.

This though is putting me off the greatest sandwich in the world. I can feel that I-just-ate-a-sour-lemon mixed with smelling-something –bad look on my face.

Me: Mama please stop there.

Mama: We want to see you taken care of Iris.

I laugh and take her hand to place a gentle kiss on it.

Mama: Don’t worry.  I am very capable of taking care of my own needs.  

As I leave the cafe I realize that last line makes it sound as if I masturbate a lot. Great. As is that conversation could have gotten any more awkward.  Besides, I have a man. Well I don’t really know if Mark is MY man. I know we have known each other a while but I don’t know if I am ready to be that serious. Oh crap. Now I don’t know anymore.

As I reach my front door I see there’s a letter sticking out of the mail-slit.  I grab it and go inside and start ripping it open as I take my shoes off. The envelope just says “Iris” in a rather shitty handwriting. I drop the envelope as I realize what this is.

“Iris – I wanted to get you flowers. But I wasn’t quite sure what you liked.  Then I thought about chocolates. But again I didn’t know whether to go for dark or milk. I thought maybe she would like a teddy. But your dog hates you and would eat it. Then I remembered your paintbrush. The slightly chewed one you always wore in your hair. I noticed it has been absent these past few weeks so I got you a replacement.  Keep it away from the dog”

I pick up the envelope I had dropped take out a brand new wooden Paint Brush. It’s perfect.

Where on earth is my old one?





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